It’s been 1 year now since we gave our adoption profile to our agency.
The truth is recently I have felt more stress, disappointment, and frustration than excitement. The other day when I told someone we were waiting to be matched with a birth mom her response was “Wow, that’s so exciting”. I answered her honestly though and said “You know I used to feel that way, now I just feel frustrated”. Most people don’t find it exciting anyway or at least they don’t express that to me, so I rarely tell them how I really feel. Because no one wants to hear that you are sad and frustrated about your adoption process. They just want to hear the happy.
However a conversation with my mom this morning reminded me that even though I have been feeling this way, I do believe and know that our next child will join our family in God’s time.
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” 2 Peter 3:8
Once I reminded myself of this I began to think, how did I get to this point? Where did my excitement turn to frustration? It happens so easily. The hope and excitement that keeps you going starts to get exhausting when you are trying to manufacture it yourself. Because real hope and joy come from relying on God, for He is faithful.
So today I will pray believing. I will claim the promises that God has given me and rejoice in His faithfulness. While I do not expect all those around me to be excited about our adoption process, I will rejoice on my own. Instead of feeling sadness when I see others having children, I will rejoice with them and continue to pray for our child’s birth mom, that God would protect her and give her strength. I will continue to give thanks to God for all our friends and family that have surrounded us with love during our adoption process.
I am waiting on God’s promises and He does not disappoint.
“I remain confident of this:Â I will see the goodness of the LordÂ in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;Â be strong and take heartÂ and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14
So true. It’s so incredibly difficult to wait for Gods timing sometimes, but He never fails.
Psalm 27:14 â€œWait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
Ecclesiastes 3:11 â€œHe has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into manâ€™s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.”
Praying for you while you wait to be matched! It must be really hard to wait, God must have a special baby in mind for your family!
Those that wait upon the Lord will be strengthened!! I have had to say that verse thousands of times after the Lord saw fit to take my child. There have been times I just wanted to give up from the pain and sadness then feel guilty because I already had 3 other children. I was being so ungrateful for what I already had especially when others like you were unable to give birth to even one child. Many women can relate to your blog because the feeling is universal. Happiness in the hope of God’s grace mixed with the sadness of waiting for it to come. It has been 2 years and my hope has faded for the dream of another child. I have a choice to be sad for what I have lost and what I will never have or live in the joy of what I have been given. I use to feel that I was wrong for having these feelings but now I finally see that my grief is neither right nor wrong. My feelings are mine, raw, real, and part of who I am. How I choose to let them dictate my future is up to me!! When I start to feel sadness by looking at what I do not have, I give those feelings to the one who made them and knows the plans He has for me. My choice is to be happy and grateful by fixing my eyes on Him, the creator and ruler of all things. Some days it is easy when the kids are behaved and all getting along. Other days are harder especially when I see a mother of 4 (one being 19 months). Then I read a cry from another mother’s heart and that helps me realize I am not alone. I choose every day and sometimes minute by minute to rest in God’s arms for only He knows my future and His grace is sufficient for me!!
If it takes 10 years or not at all…you are a mom to a wonderful little man and God will never leave you or forsake you….rest in Him!!
Thanks so much Kate. I remind myself of those things all the time. I can’t even fathom the pain of miscarriage. I am thankful that I have been spared the pain of it.
I do try to write my feelings a lot because I know so many women feel the same things and I want them to know it is ok to feel them.
I let myself grieve and then try to choose joy.