I read a quote today that said “You are not the same person you were a year ago.” Well that is definitely the truth.
A year ago we had just started our home study and we were getting ready to create our profile book. I was anxious and yet still not sure how the adoption process was going to go. But even more than that I was still in the place where I wondered if it would really happen. When you are used to the constant disappointment that is infertility, it is so easy to fall into the pattern of never believing something good could happen. Still some days I am in disbelief that we are going to have a child.
My biggest fear as I became an adult was that I wasn’t going to be able to have children. When that fear started to become reality because of my infertility, it was a soul crushing, suck the life out of you experience. I never thought I would adopt a child. I didn’t even think about it. Yet God has taken this fear, crushed it and revived my soul.
When I was a teenager at camp I chose this life verse:
Psalm 119:88 Revive me according to Your lovingkindness, So that I may keep the testimony of Your mouth.
I never realized how much I would rely on those words. After feeling defeated by infertility I needed to be revived. I needed to be reminded that having a biological child wasn’t everything. God showed me through a series of different scenarios in my life that I could love any child as my own.
You might not be able to relate to my trials of infertility but we all have things in life we thought would happen. You may be single and wondering why God hasn’t allowed you to marry yet, you may be dealing with illness in your own life or the lives of those around you. It may seem like everything is constantly going wrong in your life. This is the time to look to God and search for His plan. It is hard. I didn’t want to hear that God’s plan was not for me to get pregnant. I was mad and frustrated. I wanted the life I dreamed of. But seeking God’s will doesn’t mean we won’t have a fulfilling life. Our life will be fulfilled in ways we never thought possible.
I love this song by Mandisa. The words and video are so encouraging.
So don’t give in to the fear. Hand it over to God and let Him show you His plan.
Psalm 121:1-2 I will lift my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.