The Uncertainty of Adoption

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People often ask me if I am excited about our new baby who will be born very soon. I am very excited. But…

The thing about adoption is the uncertainty of it all. He isn’t my baby yet. I may have given him a name, prepared his room, had a shower but he isn’t mine. He is her’s. And that’s the truth.

This truth makes my mind freak out at least once a day.

What if there is something wrong and she hasn’t said?

What if I’m not there when he is born?

What if she chooses to parent?

What if, what if, what if.

I can only imagine the kind of thoughts a pregnant woman has worrying about her baby. But I can’t feel the baby move or not move. I just have to hope and pray that he is ok. That he will be ok when he is born. And that if I am meant to be his mother that she will sign the placement papers.

He is her’s, not mine. Not yet. She is the expectant mom. I am the woman waiting to know if I will be his mom.

Thankfully our adoption agency is amazing. They provide support and counseling to the expectant mom as their number one priority. They help her in any way they can. They watch for signs that would make them think that she has changed her mind about placement. They are very good at their job. I am so thankful for them.

So today in church we were singing the hymn Because He Lives. It was just the reminder I needed. The chorus was the Lord speaking right to my heart.

“Because He lives, I can face tomorrow; Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, And life is worth the living just because He lives.” 

He holds the future. He knows the trials we go through. He hears my crazy paranoid adoptive mama thoughts. He is the one I have hope in. I know He will be here for me if she doesn’t sign the papers or if we go home with a new little boy.

And the second verse made me feel like everything would be ok.

“How sweet to hold a newborn baby, and feel the pride and joy he gives; But greater still the calm assurance; This child can face uncertain days because He lives.” 

He brought us to this expectant mom in her time of need, just as He brought us to Mac’s birth mom in her time of need. We are the answer to each other’s prayers and He has us all in His hands.

So please know that I am excited. I am overjoyed with the thought of a new baby boy to call my son but in all the excitement there is uncertainty. And that is the way adoption is.

But God holds the future and I am certain about that.

2 Responses to "The Uncertainty of Adoption"
  1. Nita says:

    Praying for God to give You & Jason the Stength Courage Knowledge The Love & Widome to accept His Will . Love you All

  2. Kate Platts says:

    Esther…we are praying strategically for you to have peace and bring home that sweet boy to love and cherish!

    Thank you for reminding me of that song. If you are expecting a baby or not those words are perfect for any day but certainly when going through times of trials or just scary but good transitions in life!

    I fought the “letting go” part with God for 40 years, but I’m just learning that if He holds the future then I need to have faith whatever happens is for my best and part of His will. This is hard for me to relax and just let Hod do His thing. But I’m not living if I’m in a state of worry all the time. So I pray a lot more!! The devil wants to steal your joy and the quickest way is through worry.

    I still worry, but the difference now is I give it to the one Who can do something about it. I tell the devil this is your fight with the God…leave me out of it !!

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