The last time I was in the office I talked to her about waiting to be chosen by an expectant mom. I told her that the wait was hard but I knew God’s timing is always perfect. So today when I arrived for my appointment she eagerly greeted me in the office waiting room. “How is your adoption process going?”
I happily told her that we had been chosen by an expectant mother and the baby was due in May. She was so happy for me. She gave me a big hug and told me how excited she was to hear about the baby.
During those moments in the waiting room with her I felt my heart breaking. You see she was never able to have children and didn’t have an opportunity to adopt. She has stepchildren and grandchildren now but I could tell the pain of infertility still lingered.
I know that pain. The feeling of emptiness, the feeling that you are a little less a woman and the nagging feeling of disappointment in yourself. When you look around all you see is pregnant teenagers, people having their babies taken away from them and friends who get pregnant just by looking at their husbands, it is hard to not feel sad and sink into depression.
It is hard describe what it took to bring me out of that depression. Somewhere between the I don’t want to talk about it and the decision to adopt I grabbed on to the hope that can only be found in Jesus. The truth that His plans are not our plans and the knowledge that He can take something bad and turn it into something amazing.
He comforts the broken-hearted and although I still recall the feelings I don’t dwell on them. I pray that she can also feel His comfort.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.